I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
