i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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