I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
