your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
