I am spending my child support on dildos
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you never un-have a 4some
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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