I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there was a trapeze. enough said
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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