Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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