I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
