i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
