Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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