why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
