I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
