Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
