4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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