my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
