If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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