Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
