Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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