i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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