they need to just BURY HIM!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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