but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
