Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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