I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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