dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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