Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
