I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
