DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
