you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
