Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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