coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
