btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
