So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
