you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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