the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
