i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
