Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
