do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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