next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
