My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
