Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Bring me that man meat
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
