Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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