How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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