I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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