My sheets look like a crime scene.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
