I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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