No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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