you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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