I want to walk on stilts...naked
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
