the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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