youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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