Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
