why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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