Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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