Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
