He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
