No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Randomize
